How I healed my porn addiction

It's Thursday evening. My girl just went to sleep. I'm alone. Again. In front of the PC. Reading some stupid article. My right hand moves itself without my conscious consent. It opens a new incognito window and types pornhub.com. Everything happens like a flash. Looking, scrolling, next page, next video, next actress, next fantasy.

It ends in a blast.

I'm sitting there and wondering - what did just happen? Why did I slip again? Maybe I wasn't strong enough. I couldn't control myself. I couldn't control my urge. What's fucking wrong with me? I haven't had sex with my girl for more than a month but I've jerked off 3 times in the past week.

And every time I slip I feel worthless. I feel weak - both physically, emotionally and mentally. With a broken will. Drained of energy. Drained of purpose. Drained of life. Sometimes for days.

And every time I slip - I tell myself - that's the last of it. This time I'll stop. This time I'll be better. I'll be stronger. But I'm not. I'm this little bag of shit that can't control his own body and his own mind.

Fast-forward a few weeks later - it's again a Thursday night. Again alone in front of the PC. Tired of my fucking day. Reading some stupid article. I feel a small bit of the urge arising inside of me. Just a tiny bit this time - nothing like what I felt before. Haven't felt it in a loooong while. But this time I understand it and I smile. I decide to play with it. I open a new window and write pornhub.com again. This time consciously. I open the website and look at the content. Nothing happens. My hand doesn't move. I'm not scrolling. I'm not opening the videos. I'm looking at them without any lust and I feel only empathy. Empathy for the actors. Driven by the society to sell their bodies for money. And empathy for my past self. Driven to watch porn to be able to cope with life. I close the browser and go to sleep beside my girl.

Meanwhile I've had some of the best time of my life these past few weeks. Being more intimate with my girl. Having way better sex life. Enjoying healthier and tastier food. Building my body and posture. Becoming more and more confident with myself and my abilities. Feeling like a real man. Living a real life instead of a virtual one in front of my PC.

Do you want to know what I did? How did I make that happen? Do you want to even do it yourself?

It was all super simple. And super hard also. All I needed to do is to go outside of my comfort zone. To be honest. To be brave. To understand where my addiction came from, where did it originate. And to face my fears and overcome them.

If I managed to do it - I know you can do it too. And I want to help you. I've analyzed the whole thing and I've divided it into a few practices that you can practice yourself every day to begin living the life of your dreams.

The practice of going outside of your comfort zone

The practice of breaking the secret

The practice of loving yourself

The practice of physical training

The practice of self assessment and trauma recovery

Right now I managed to put in words only the first practice which follows next. If you want me to email you the next practices when they're ready enter your email address below.

The Comfort Zone Trap

Have you ever seen a version of this picture? Have you ever heard the saying "The magic happens outside of your comfort zone"?

Comfort Zone

Our comfort zone is the trap that we've created for ourselves. The place that's free of fears, free of change, free of challenges. The place that we feel most comfortable in.

Very often that's a place - a vision for our lives - that society or our family's norms and values have imposed on us. But it's a vision that we've also come to accept and even strive for. To have a comfortable life.

The trap of the comfort zone is a very curious thing. When we're inside of it the fact that we don't challenge ourselves and we stop growing leaves an impact on our psyche as a human being. It deprives us from challenges and from the fulfillment of overcoming them. It deprives us from goals and dreams. And it makes us create challenges where there are none.

Staying in our comfort zone makes us stay in a bad job. It makes us stay in a bad relationship. It makes us stay in an unfulfilling life. It may even lead us right into depression mode.

What does the comfort zone have to do with porn?

Well - as I observed myself I found that right after using porn and especially if I use it for a few days at a time I go deep inside of my comfort zone. I start feeling deprived of will, energy, emotions and life force as a whole. I don't want to even think of challenging myself in any way.

I don't know if it has something to do with creating the orgasm by yourself or that you're releasing semen without a partner but I think that act of ejaculating makes us release the life-force that is otherwise driving us to live more fully. It's driving us to want to create and excel in our work. To want to have a good body and health. To want go outside and conquer the world.

And so the vicious cycle begins. Using porn. Going deeper inside of your comfort zone. Playing video games. Watching TV series. Doing only what's expected of you in your job. Having a boring or even no sex with your partner. Not going on dates and meeting new women if you’re single. Watching porn. Staying inside of your comfort zone... The cycle continues on and on and on.

So - how to stop it? How to break the trap of your comfort zone? Here's a couple of ways that I've tested which are all based on doing uncomfortable things:

1. Cold Shower Therapy

Take the 30-day cold shower challenge that Nick Reese talks about in this video. Go ahead and watch the video and continue below after that.

Taking cold showers are one of the best tools that I've used to test and work with my comfort zone. First time that I did that it was the beginning of February and the temperature outside was about -5° C. I followed through and did it for a whole year after that. Every time I did it I literally felt with my body the psychological blockage that made me stay in my comfort zone. I couldn't make myself go inside that cold water. All kinds of reasons started to pop inside of my mind. But I did it anyway. And every time that I used porn before taking the cold shower I felt the blockage of the comfort zone bigger than before. I felt that I was deeper inside of the zone than the day before that. I felt that the force that was stopping me to go into that cold water was much stronger than before. But doing the shower helped a lot. However comfortable that I'd become before that - when I stepped inside that shower, when I felt that cold water running over my skin - I literally felt free from the confines of the trap. And more energized than ever before.

2. Observe your comfort zone in everyday life

The second strategy for overcoming the confines of your comfort zone is every time you feel the urge to do something - for example to share your thought or your idea with the people around you - it doesn't matter if it's in a company meeting, a beer with friends or an intimate conversation with your partner - try to observe yourself. Try to be conscious of yourself and of your urge to speak up at that moment. Also - try to understand the part that's preventing you from speaking up your thought. That's the same part that's preventing you from going under the cold water. Try to observe and understand the two parts - urge and the block. And then overcome them. Share your thought. Tell your boss that idea. Share that intimate part of yourself with your partner. Doing so will show you that - first - it's not that big of a deal and - second - the consequences of it are far less threatening than you feel they are.

3. Analyze your comfort zome

The third strategy is to sit down and analyze your comfort zone and see what it's boundaries are. These boundaries are directly correlated to your fears. Sit down and make a list of what do you want to do in your life but you're not doing. It could be filled with all kinds of stuff. From "Want to jump from cliffs but I'm afraid of heights" to "I want to talk with women", "I want to start a business". List at least 5 things that you dream about or 5 activities that you dream of doing. Then pick one of them and make another list with all the reasons why you haven't done this yet and what's stopping you. The reasons can range from "I don't have enough time/money" to "I'm too afraid to make the first step". All of these things that you list are different parts of the trap of your comfort zone. Pick one thing of the list. Pick one boundary and decide to cross it. Make that cross a goal and set a deadline on achieving it. Make small steps every day on this achievement. Or big ones. You decide how to do it as long as it's something that helps you grow and puts you closer to your dreams.

Your comfort zone is both your trap and the way to your salvation. Be brave enough to break from it.

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